Well, 2012 is almost here. Time to think back on 2011 and reflect on the friends we’ve lost to the sharp blade of Google’s algorithm updates. The one that hits home the most is the death of Crap Content Gang.
The Crap Content Gang was a dear friend of mine. As a former black hat SEO, the Crap Content Gang was the foundation of my SEO tactics (before Matt Cutts transformed me into a lamp). I’d use them to create a 300 page website overnight and bully other websites off the first page in Google! All I had to do was call up the gang and I’d be ranking in no time for all sorts of amazing terms…that would help increase my AdSense revenue of course.
Ah, the times we had. But as we all know, this year Google made the Crap Content Gang enemy #1 and unleashed its killer Panda on all members. Their Panda, with its razor sharp claws and intellect, bit and ripped and tore the Crap Content Gang apart. I still get teary eyed when I think back on all the good times we had. But now they’re gone. So, as a way to close out 2011, I’d like to give some shout outs to the individual members of the Crap Content Gang.
The Twins (i.e. Duplicate Content): Oh, how I loved The Twins. At the very beginning you were great to have on my site. All I had to do was create a new URL, add in the keyword variation I wanted, and BAM! The Twins were born. Of course you were slapped around even before the Panda was unleashed. So I simply kept one of you on my site and sent the other off to another website…of course with a nice juicy backlink pointing right at your twin brother. But that damn Panda was programmed to seek out twins and destroy them. Even when I put a different shirt on your twin or gave him a slightly different haircut, that damn Panda found him. Now The Twins are basically banned…like chewing gum in Singapore. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Spin Doctor (i.e. Spun Content): Damn boy! You were amazing. All I had to do was take you, use some sort of content spinning resource to spin up 299 versions of you, slap in some keywords and we were running this town! I could use you on my own sites or 299 micro sites to push links back to my main site. You basically gave me a prescription for increased traffic…and man did it work. But now you’re gone. We got too greedy and you wrote too many prescriptions. And now look at you…banned from practicing medicine anywhere online. You were a good friend, and a damn good croaker.
The Salesman (i.e. Content with Too Many Ads): Man you could sell anything! You were a solid piece of content, but we all knew you weren’t there to inform or educate. You were there to sell. And you’d sell anything. All I had to do was tell you what the topic was, shove in as many affiliate links and PPC ads as possible, and we were all making money. You had no conscience…and I loved it. But that damn Panda was all about maintaining a moral code among content; and you were just too easy to spot…with your overstuffed links and strategically placed PPC ads. Now you’re banned from selling on the abundant thoroughfare of the first page of Google and stuck selling your wares on the barren sidewalks of Page 8 Rankings Ln.
The Reprogrammed Prisoner (i.e. Other People’s Content): You, my friend, were an effective content soldier. All we had to do was to capture you from another army and reprogram you. We hyped you as being an original high-ranking piece of content and never referenced where you were born or how you even ended up as a part of our crew. We just put you up, slapped our colors on you, and you were fighting for us. But then the Panda was unleashed. It was trained to sniff you out. It went deep behind enemy lines and researched your origins, searching for the truth. And when your reprogramming was discovered, the Panda stripped you of your rank and you were dishonorably discharged. It was an honor fighting next to you.
The Slacker (Low-quality Content): You weren’t the most ambitious or engaging member of the gang, but you got the job done. You were great for gathering low-hanging fruit, filling in holes and doing other small jobs. But you were so damn boring and lazy. You never had a real opinion or any unique point of view. You just existed…took up space. But sometimes all we needed was for you to take up space. And boy, were you good at it. But that damn Panda hated slackers. The minute the Panda spotted you, it ate you for lunch. All that remained was your ghost, and a content ghost is even less effective than a slacker. As boring as you were, I’ll still miss ya.
I had some really great times with the Crap Content Gang. We used to own the web! But now, the gang has been disbanded and I’m not even allowed to socialize with any previous members without fear of being penalized. At least I have my memories. The internet will never be the same without you.