Hello! I’m a lamp…or at least I look like a lamp. I’m actually a great and powerful black hat SEO wizard that was turned into a lamp by the Google gods. They turned me into this lump of cork and wires because I got caught trying to trick the Google algorithm one too many times (FYI, if you really piss off Google, they kick your website out of the index AND turn you into a household appliance).
So, now I’m a lamp. And instead of trying to crack the Google code and trick the system, I spend my days providing light to this bozo at The Search Agency. I think his name is David and he optimizes website content; but honestly, I really don’t care. All I care about is getting transformed back into my normal self! Unfortunately the only way to do that is to spend the next 5 years observing and learning from this David character. I guess he’s one of those white hat SEO people…you know, the type that actually cares if the content he writes and optimizes is informative and enjoyable to read. All I cared about was shoving enough text and keywords onto a page until it ranked. The whole “blending together art and science to create website content that is of value to readers but also clear and focused enough to rank in Google and the other search engines “ is just too much work! But then again, that kind of “black hat” attitude is why I’m a lamp and David is, well, not a lamp.
So, according to the Google gods, if I ever want to escape the monotony of being a household appliance, I need to learn that it’s actually possible to write quality content that ranks AND reads well. I’ll let you know what I find out (and also how many times this dork picks his nose).