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An Open Letter to Facebook’s Vanity URL Team

Posted By Frank Eybsen On June 17, 2009 @ 1:12 am In Social Media | No Comments

Dear Facebook,

You had to begin your vanity URL landgrab at 9PM on a Friday. I guess I am lucky to be in Los Angeles – a New York residence could have made this a much darker tale.

Please do not take my anecdote lightly, as this is not a simple note from a single man, but shared experience told through a single narrative. And if you check your logs, you’ll see that this tale does not exist in singularity.

I arrived at one of my favorite bars, Baja Cantina [1], at around 8:30 to enjoy the company of some friends. There was an immediate rush of nachos, chilled Patron, and Coronas. It seemed like a flash of fate that I remembered at about 8:56 that I needed to open up my iPhone. And with only moments to spare was I able to view facebook in the none-app, none-WAP version which would allow me to secure my vanity URL.

First things first, I had been bragging all week that I was going to nab facebook.com/frank and everyone would be forced to call me the social media genius that I am. Wrong. Frank was an unavailable vanity URL (I guess I’m not as unique as my Mom had led on). I spent the next couple of wasted minutes trying out the names of the people at my table. As I write this completely sober, I’m not exactly sure what I was hoping to achieve by grabbing the “lawrence” or “rich” URL. After rounding the table I had gotten a bit suspicious, especially after “dottie” had been turned down (thank God).


After wasting the first few prime minutes I took the next logical step in vanity URL acquisition – brand names. I’ve always been a huge opponent of “squatters”, but given the chance to finally be on the other side of the coin – I had to take my shot. And after a few drinks, I took the same move I imagine many like me did – I went after Nike. Denied. Again, in hindsight, like Facebook was going to let some random guy own the destination for one of the largest brands on the planet.

I took a few more stabs at some bigger brands and then moved on to things, that at the time, seemed a lot more “realistic”. So for the record, “pepboys”, “olivegarden”, and “patron” went earlier than minute five.

I now had the whole table on my side. The game was on, and everyone wanted to see me win. The next and final target for attack was nicknames. A few people were yelling for me to grab my plain, ol’, boring REAL name. But from what I can amass from Google, there are only four Eybsen’s in the world – and I had no need to worry about my Facebook page not ranking for it.

I tried “frankthetank”. Looks like I’m not the only Frank to earn this nickname after a certain movie came out a number of years ago. I tried a few more on the spot self-imposed nicknames that I thought would be great, but no luck for “coolguy”, “sexydude”, or “likestoparty”.

It was then that after a good 15 minutes into the game my friend Luigi called out for me to try “frizzank”. This entry was successful, and without hesitation or bothering to read the TOS, I hit the save button. Now, no one ever in my life has called me Frizzank. In fact, I’m very aware that Snoop Dogg style pig latin hasn’t been cool for a few years now – even something to be ridiculued when used. And yet, here I was, Frizzank.

Facebook, I simply ask of you to give me another chance. I don’t want to be Frizzank. People are starting to call me Frizzank outside of the Facebook world. This is not cool, not cool at all. Just give me one more chance, I promise I’ll choose something I can use in an email signature at work. I won’t be silly, I won’t be drinking, and I won’t try to take anything that doesn’t belong to me.

I’ll leave it at that, it’s in your hands now.

Frizzank [2]

You can read more Facebook vanity URL silliness at Techcrunch [3] and Mashable [4].

Article printed from The Search Agents: http://www.thesearchagents.com

URL to article: http://www.thesearchagents.com/2009/06/an-open-letter-to-facebooks-vanity-url-team/

URLs in this post:

[1] Baja Cantina: http://www.bajacantinavenice.com/

[2] Frizzank: http://www.facebook.com/Frizzank

[3] Techcrunch: http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/06/13/hands-down-the-best-facebook-vanity-url/

[4] Mashable: http://mashable.com/2009/06/13/silliest-facebook-vanity-urls/

[5] Facebook Vanity URL Best Practices: http://www.thesearchagents.com/2009/07/facebook-vanity-url-best-practices/

[6] Facebook Vanity URLs: http://www.thesearchagents.com/2009/06/facebook-vanity-urls/

[7] An Open Letter to Google: Get it Together with Brand Pages: http://www.thesearchagents.com/2012/03/an-open-letter-to-google-get-it-together-with-brand-pages/

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